On Sunday, September 13, 2008, Louisville saw the unpredicted side effects of Hurrican Ike. As a result over 75% of the LG&E and Duke customers were left without power. We were one of them.
On Wednesday, September 17, 2008, I came home from my daily work bike ride commute and opened the door to let the dogs out. Trixie did not come right away, although it wasn't the first time she didn't hear me. My youngest female dog looked as if she had rubbed her face in something, which was odd. I then started calling for her and noticed that my male dog went back inside, which was also uncommon. He went to the spot where Trixie lay. She was laying there on the floor, facing away from me.
In a sad hope that she was just resting I rustled the dogs in, threw my things down and went to her. She had passed away during the day and, in hind sight, I'm guessing was about 30 minutes to one hour before I had opened the door.
This is truly heart breaking.
Trixie came to live with me in June 2007 as a foster dog for the IMPS rescue, a rescue that I volunteered for. She had come in to the rescue along with another dog, Buddy. He was Heartworm positive and she had 6 - 8 tumors around her breasts that were immediately removed. Unfortunately they were not tested for cancer but I can only assume they were cancerous. They were puppy mill animals and I'm assuming they were no longer worth keeping. They were set to be put down that day and a rescue working rushed in to save them and bring them into the rescue.
Trixie lived with me from June 2007 until September 17, 2008. She looked older but was the biggest puppy in the household. She had a sweetness about her that you could not help but worship. She just wanted to lay there and give you kisses as long as you'd let her. She was a truly remarkable dog, however she was overlooked by people because she had a white face and 'appeared' to be an older dog. She wanted to cuddle in your lap, she had to sleep touching you, she found toys in the house that disappeared years ago, ... I mean she was a dog that you ended up worshipping.
In October 2007 I noticed spot on her chest and we went to the vet to have them looked at. Surgery soon followed, which included the removal of the tumor and two of her breasts. The biopsy results showed the tumor was cancerous. Soon after we began chemo-therapy. After weeks of chemo we began the countdown to hopefully a long and healthy life for a dog that really deserved it. After everything she had gone through and after everything she had to offer the world, she DESERVED to have a long and amazing life.
The scans in April came back clean. Crystal clear. I could barely sleep leading up to the scans just out of fear of what the results would be. I wanted to scream and celebrate because we made 6 months. The doctors said that if we made it a year Trixie's long term prognosis would improve significantly.
We were at 11 months.
I wish I would have been there just to remind her that I loved her. I hate that I had no warning of this. The last time I saw her I was hugging her, as she was air kissing me a hundred times, and telling her that I love her. She was perfectly healthy, completely happy, and as lovable as ever. Why couldn't I have been prepared? Why wasn't I warned?
It appears sudden whatever happened and I hope that it was. I'm told that what happened to her is similar with cancerous tumors so maybe one had come before we made it to the next scan. I will unfortunately never know and have to live with unanswered questions now. She at least was in the company of the other dogs, and the one that loved her the most appeared to be there next to her until I got home.
She deserved a longer life .. I just feel so robbed in all of this.
A few months ago I had even decided that Trixie was not going to leave my house because I don't think I could have let her go. Besides I don't think anyone would have loved or appreciated her the way that I did. I never made the formal decision but in my heart she was mine.
I am torn between being upset and feeling numb. I think because Trixie was so healthy that it hasn't fully hit me yet that she's not here. I just cannot believe that she's gone .. I mean she wasn't sick. I knew that she was not 'cured' but from how she acted I never saw an ending in her life. I expected years and years with her. But I am thankful for the time I had with her, and that the time is longer than what she would have had otherwise.
So .. I sadly sit here, and after 6 days of being powerless I have my electricity on. In the moment I want to rejoice in the moment I can't help but remember that she's not here to take it in with us. I will miss her so much .. she was such an amazing dog ..
