Why I am still single...

Ok ... I am going to take advantage of the opportunity to opening vent about a few things...

There are people who think that being single is a bad thing, because I guess it goes against what society expects of us all. Well .. I tell myself all the time that no wonder I'm still single. I refuse to compromise my personal happiness for a sub-par life.

So .. first of all, straight men are completely clueless when it comes to dealing with females. You'd think they would have learned by now, but no they have not a clue. If gay men would start liking women again, well I would have been married years ago. But, instead I have to deal with what I deal with all the time.

Here's the deal ... all females like male attention, in general. However, while we like the attention, if you let us know wrong, .. well you've just ruined it altogether. 9 times out of 10 when I get hit on it comes across so completely wrong that it just annoys the crap out of me. I'll give examples.

Did I write about the guy who asked me if I wanted to get dirty with him? I think so .. well that is example number 1. Example number 2 would be the guys in the elevator the other day. At first they're nice and we're talking as we're waiting for the elevator. Then the great conversation turns pig-headed when they ask me to marry them because I'm hot ... wow .. they're IQ just hit the floor in about 1.5 seconds. WTF?! Today was a guy who was hitting on me and using the analogy of me and a piece of candy .. OMG did that just come out of a grown man's mouth???

No point in mentioning more, but trust me I have more stories as of late than anything .. I think the lonely horny men have come out of hibernation now because I have been wearing oversized sweatshirts, hats, and baggy pants in a failed attempt to get the pervs to leave me alone. I thought it was bad when I was younger but I honestly think it happens more now than before .. is someone trying to torture me?!



So .. what's wrong with hitting on females? Well nothing if it's done right. In my case, while I like to be looked at, I HATE it when that's the only thing people notice about me, because I know there's more to me than that. Granted you can't find that out unless you talk to someone but these guys kill it before it even gets to that point. But it's insulting to me because I have worked so hard to be where I'm at, yet I still get looked at for face value.

Here's a good example. There's a guy who works at Starbucks that I always see. The first time I met him, when I pulled up to the window he was asking about my day, if anything fun was happening, etc. We then get into school, and sports, and so on from there. A 3 minute conversation, but at the end of it I felt great because this guy was actually interested, cared, and we actually had a conversation, which almost never happens.

Maybe that's the problem .. most people don't care to dig deeper, unless they have instant validation that it's worth it. It's always small talk, from the start and for an indefinite amount of time.

Why is it that we meet people and we either want all or nothing with them? Why don't we meet people and talk to them hoping for friendship at the least? What's wrong with getting personal?




Along the same lines, maybe that's my problem .. I want to see the 'more' and when I can tell it's not right there from the start, I immediately kill any chances of it going anywhere. Which may be on target sometimes, but maybe every once in a while a good guy comes along and they behave that way not because of who they are, but because we tend to follow suit with the stereotypes. So maybe I'll attempt to be more open, trying to give people more of the benefit of the doubt.







On a different topic, I am getting completely annoyed with myself. Like above, I tend to "think" too much. Not just about that, but about everything. I think so much that I have to wear myself out at night so I can go to bed. That, on top of that fact that I've been (and still am) sick, it's wearing me out.

I had a 20 minute conversation the other day about something I've been thinking of. Granted I think it's a pretty interesting perspective / topic and I think the person agreed. However afterwards I stopped and thought to myself .. I cannot believe that I've put so much thought and effort into something so minute and taken for granted. I must be mad!!

So .. I have no idea how to stop thinking so much, but I'd love to figure out a way to do so. I don't take sleeping pills because I personally think they are unsafe, however that would probably help me at night... although again they're not an option for me.

Anyway I don't know what I'm going to do, but I think or hope that calming myself down, as far as thinking, may help me get better from whatever the heck is wrong with me. Maybe not, but I figure it's worth a try ...

Ok .. it may seem as if I'm completely breaking this blog off mid-conversation, and that's because I am .. I gotta go!

Been a Min...

So .. I've been having dizziness for months and months (and months) now. I have always assumed that it was just another 'side effect' from that damn wreck I was in. So, I go to the chiro a bit more often and just deal with the remaining aches and this dizziness.

Anyway, after almost passing out last week, it 'woke me up' to the fact that something is wrong, and I'm now trying to figure it out. So I went to my doctor last week and the other day I had an appointment with the cardiologist. My primary doctor ran a test on me that came out abnormal and so I'm going to the cardiologist first to make sure I'm ok in that department, and hopefully to rule that out as a possible cause.

Anyway, I guess I must have triggered a chain reaction with me, because ever since that day I have felt broken. My head is constantly hurting, I'm losing feeling in one arm or another leg. I feel all these problems now that were there before, but were something I could ignore. But .. I'm planning on staying on top of this until I finally find out what's wrong with me. In the meanwhile I feel like I've been sick for weeks and I'm still in that achy recovery stage .. it's really starting to take a toll on me... I can't fix my hair because my head is sore to the touch and it feels all achy and swollen (I use the crap excuse that my brain is outgrowing my head .. ha ha ha!). Again .. it's wearing me out ..

Enough of that ...

It is October 18th .. and I swear I need to turn my air back on. We had maybe a couple of cool days and now it's back to warm again .. it is soooooo old at this point. However, we have finally gotten more than a freak random rain. Well, ok so only 2 whopping days now of rain, but it may actually rain tomorrow too, but I'll admit that I am terrible at keeping up with the weather...

Here's something that i found in regards to the current drought in the local area:

http://www.crh.noaa.gov/jkl/?n=drought_briefing

DROUGHT STATEMENT - - - NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE LOUISVILLE KY
1218 AM EDT FRI OCT 12 2007

...EXTREME DROUGHT CONTINUES IN CENTRAL KENTUCKY...
...SEVERE DROUGHT CONTINUES IN SOUTHERN INDIANA...

FOR THIS CALENDAR YEAR MUCH OF CENTRAL KENTUCKY IS RUNNING AT LEAST A FOOT BEHIND NORMAL FOR RAINFALL.

IN THE OCTOBER 9 ISSUANCE OF THE UNITED STATES DROUGHT MONITOR...EXTREME DROUGHT CONDITIONS WERE FOUND ALONG AND SOUTH OF THE OHIO RIVER. SEVERE DROUGHT WAS PREVALENT ACROSS SOUTHERN INDIANA.

AN OPEN BURN BAN IS IN EFFECT THROUGHOUT THE HOOSIER NATIONAL FOREST. GOVERNOR FLETCHER HAS BANNED ALL OUTDOOR BURNING ACROSS THE ENTIRE STATE OF KENTUCKY.

LOW WATER LEVELS HAVE LED TO INCREASED ALGAE BLOOMS...ESPECIALLY IN THE KENTUCKY RIVER.
KENTUCKY RECEIVED A FEDERAL DISASTER DECLARATION FROM THE USDA...ALLOWING STRUGGLING FARMERS TO SEEK EMERGENCY LOANS.(WAVE TV)

LOUISVILLE REPORTED THE HOTTEST TEMPERATURE EVER RECORDED IN OCTOBER IN THE CITY: 93 DEGREES.

AGRICULTURAL IMPACTS... AS OF OCTOBER 9...
82 PERCENT OF PASTURELAND IN KENTUCKY WAS POOR OR VERY POOR. 13 PERCENT OF THE TOBACCO CROP WAS RATED AS POOR OR VERY POOR AND WAS DRYING TOO FAST LOSING COLOR. ABOUT 90 PERCENT OF THE CORN HAD BEEN HARVESTED...COMPARED TO A NORMAL OF 73 PERCENT AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. 47 PERCENT OF THE SOYBEAN CROP WAS POOR OR VERY POOR...AND 34 PERCENT HAD BEEN HARVESTED. NORMAL IS 22 PERCENT. 95 PERCENT OF THE TOPSOIL MOISTURE WAS SHORT OR VERY SHORT...AND 94 PERCENT OF THE SUBSOIL MOISTURE WAS SHORT OR VERY SHORT ACROSS KENTUCKY.IN INDIANA 73 PERCENT OF THE TOPSOIL WAS SHORT OR VERY SHORT...AND 73 PERCENT OF THE SUBSOIL WAS SHORT OR VERY SHORT. THE DRIEST SOILS WERE CONFINED TO THE SOUTHERN SECTIONS OF THE STATE.

Grrr ... second storm is about to come through .. needless to say I won't be able to watch Grey's until 1AM .. and my DSL is about to go out ...

.. to be continued ..

Lessons Learned

Ok .. so lately I've learned a few lessons. Nothing major, but I'll name and describe a few...

1.) If I get out of bed early Saturday and Sunday morning the weekend feels amazingly long. Wow .. I had no idea, but not that I just 'willingly' get up, so that is now becoming the time that I'm visiting the gym over the weekend. Downfall .. the long days tend to get me bored halfway through it, and I've been going to the stores buying trivial stuff out of boredom .. BAD!!

2.) You know that I'm working too long because on the day that I actually leave before 6, I look at the clock thinking it's 9pm or so and it's only 7pm .. I need to stop working so much.

3.) Just because it's not raining doesn't mean it's an excuse to slack off on chores. I have been HORRIBLE about not doing anything outside, because it hasn't been an absolute necessity .. my yard .. sucks right about now and now I'm too lazy to mess with it, but I'm going to follow #1 and try and get up early this weekend and be done with it. Plus, downfall, I have a drain in the back yard that I keep free of debris. With the lack of rain this summer / fall I've not worried about it so much. Well it rained last week and the ground is so dry that it become nothing but runoff .. the runoff traveled to the clogged drain, and into my basement .. yep .. lesson learned.

3.) I apparently ALWAYS compliment people too soon. So, when my sister is doing a good job, I like to tell her, because she typically gets nothing but criticism from the rest of the family. So, I tell her this weekend. Then the next day she does something that, once again, makes me regret complimenting her, because that one single action did more damage than the milestones she's made over the past couple of years. So .. I try to be nice and apparently I need to not do that again...

4.)Listen to something funny at work .. all of a sudden work is not so bad. It's been stressful at work lately, well over the past month or two. Anyway, thank you Dane Cook for making it more tolerable during those icky moments. I have been cracking up sitting at my desk constantly listening to him. Sadly though, I work in Cube World and I have a big mouth, so as much as I try not to laugh very loud, sometimes it happens .. but I think they're immune to it by now..

5.) Never assume that you've 'heard it all,' because you haven't. So I'm driving down the road the other day and another 'smooth' guy hits on me. First of all, how annoying. Second of all he is driving an old, over-sized pick-up covered in mud. Thirdly, he looks at me and asks 'Do you wanna go get dirty?" .. WTF?!?! Yes, I was on Dixie Highway, which is one place I NEVER go to .. so I should know better .. but come the F on .. idiot? So, I give him the standard polite brush off and then guess what he says ... "yea you don't look like the type that gets your hands dirty anyway." ... OMG ... now I was MAD MAD MAD about that! Obviously this guy did not know a thing about me, because of all the things people have said to me, I've never been placed in that girly or whatever category that he just tossed me in. My baby sister, yea she's a bit of a priss and a bit high maintenance as far as clothes, getting ready and all of that. The middle one is like me, we're your normal every day chics, but I'm personally more of a t-shirt and jeans person who takes like 10 minutes to get ready, and she doesn't wear t-shirts that often and it takes her a bit longer because she gets ready, where I just go. Ok .. anyway, at that point I decided that I needed to figure out how to politely ignore this guy, because I, of course, wanted to bite his head off. I was completely insulted. So low and behold, don't think that you have heard it all .. because you haven't.

Ok .. that's enough for now .. :o)

The War is Over!!!

Finally .. I can rest in peace!!

So .. I'm on the phone today, making plans, as I'm walking through the house to let the dogs in. As a habitual habit, I look towards the kitchen because of my previous battle, looking to see if the fleeing opponent has ever returned.

I let out that Holy Sh1t .. and of course he's back.

Here's the sad thing .. the second I said it, I hear the question.. what it is? Then when I say 'oh sh1t he's back' ... it's sad that I get the response something like .. oh that spider? ... Yea .. I apparently whined about that to everyone .. but dang I can't help it .. it's been a plague and obsession for me.

So .. Mr. Hidden who's been non-existent for a while now, apparently made himself a nice little hammock overnight and was taking a nap under the morning sun...

Being the paranoid psychotic and bug phobic person that I am .. I had left the bug spray out assuming that the rematch would eventually happen.

I grab the spray, sat the phone down, and let loose ... this time there was no half @ss spray or jumping girliness .. this guy was NOT getting away.

So .. he was on the left side of the window .. opposite of the time before. Being that the stove was too far, he immediately ran behind the blinds. Crap .. I can't keep doing this!! So .. I stare and can barely make out his shadow through the blinds ... So .. I slowly twist the blinds open .. then when I get it to where he's visible I give it one good twist and spray ..

and spray .. and spray .. and pick the phone back up .. and spray .. and spray .. OMG I think I let at least half of the can go on this guy .. he was completely white and Raid was DRIPPING off of him.

So while I'm reminded that he's not going to 'just drop dead on me,' I did not care .. I kept going on him ... I hosed down the blinds, the shelf under the blinds, and everything around it. Lucky though I'm an idiot and that damn window is STILL open .. so in this case it worked out good because that half can worth of fumes went out the window in the process.

Finally he slowed down, clung onto a blind and you could tell he was ending his road. So .. I watched a few minutes to make sure it was over before I left the house. Shouldn't I just put a cup over him just in case? .. heck no .. that would mean getting close to him and there's NO WAY I'm doing that any time soon!!

Now it's hours later ... hours later .. and he's dead body lies in my window still. While I've cleaned some of the damage from my obsessive hosing, I've yet to even get close to him .. because my chicken butt will let him sit there for a day or two in case he resurrects or something impossible like that ... or I may call in a favor to remove his vicious remains.

So .. the battle is over with .. FINALLY .. and while there's clean up to do and there was a horrid couple of embarrassing scenes, I can rest easy that he's now dead and .. no one else personally witnessed the rest of the story .. :o)

The thing that may keep my up now is the fact that Mr. Psycho lived in my house for a month or so, I'm guessing behind my stove .. so now I guess I'm going to going through my kitchen and house with a fine tooth comb in hopes that he did not leave children to carry on the war in his absence ... but I will admit .. I was entirely too chicken to seek him out and I am entirely too proud to call in for some help .. stubborn!!

Weekly Check in

While I've had this page open since 12, I've yet to write ... out of completely and utter shock and disgust...

OMG .. Can I slap Steve Kragthorpe? I am about to get in my car, drive to bring Petrino back to UofL, and send out a rescue party to find out WTF happened to our defense, because they have yet to show up .... Ok .. I'm just fuming, annoyed, and everything else. Enough of that...

Just like what the Cards are doing now, I did the same thing this morning, except instead of throwing around garbage at Papa John's I was picking up garbage along Beargrass Creek for a couple of hours earlier this morning. MSD sponsors / encourages group cleanup of the creek at certain times and so I thought that I would contribute something back to creek, considering we all indirectly contribute to the pollution in the creek (runoff of car oils, road debris, etc when it rains as an example).


While I hate to wake up early, I wish I would do it more often because it makes the days ad my weekends feel so much longer, instead of sleeping it away and the next thing you know it's another dang Monday...

Watching dogs dream has to be the sweetest thing ever. In the moments that I'm calm, or trying to ignore the beating that 0-3 Syracuse is handing us, two of my dogs have gotten decently far into their doggy dreams ... it's so cute .. they do little whimper barks, their legs move a bit, the whole thing is so cute. I can just imagine that their dreaming that they're chasing a big cat down the street .. :o)

Work has been ... work. Between that and school, I'm running myself into the ground. My stress level has hit it's max and so now I'm trying to work myself into a compromise, meaning I'm going to try and work 40 and be done with it. In school my one teacher keeps talking about natural logs ... things I willingly forgot years ago .. so that whole process of re-teaching myself the math (that doesn't get used often in the real world) has not been pleasant.

While I've been making time for my personal life, I think I need to make room for more. Hopefully as I work out the kinks with my work / school schedule, I'll fix that too.

Ok .. I am just not in much of a mood anymore, thanks to the embarrassing display of football by a current top 25 team and probably 'former' BCS Championship contender. It's amazing .. 4 games and all of Petrino's work .. there is no evidence of it anymore..

Doggy number 3 now dreams .. :o)

Just a Quick Few Lines

Yes,

This will be brief .. I am hoping to be in bed before 1. The whole not sleeping .. yea it's really starting to catch up to me, so I have GOT TO try and change that. But .. I have two papers due this week, and two tests next week, so it won't be any time soon.

The weekend is never long enough and while most went to random details and common outtings, we did go somewhere different for a change. This weekend we went to see Anthony Cools out at Caesar's. I went out there to see him twice last year .. we went on a Saturday, turned around and bought tickets for that Sunday. This time, just as good, funny, hilarious, awesome. But he definitely does not hold anything back, so if you get offended at all, save your money. However if you have a sense of humor and don't mind the topics, he's worth seeing. I'll be going again next year.

As far as Caesar's, I literally only wanted to go out there, see the show, and leave, and that's what we did. Gambling .. never has done anything for me .. but I know people that borderline on having a problem, so I guess it's fun to some people. There are people that make the trip across the bridge a couple times a week, and I am sure that they're not the worst. As much as I don't personally like gambling, I don't know why it's not legal in KY so we can start keeping the tax money on our side of the bridge. Heck .. we have Churchill, why not add a casino.

Anyway, I went to Vegas in 2000 with an ex and literally did not gamble my money the whole week. We played Black Jack one night on his money, which is probably the only thing I'd consider playing, but after an hour or so I was done .. and that was all the nonsense I could tolerate!!

Ok .. I think my time is up .. gotta go!!

The Price to Pay for Getting Older ...

So .. as I've gotten older I've noticed soo many things changing. Not just physically, but emotionally, and everything else. It's amazing how things are so different now than they were before, but I think the hardest part is trying to deal with these changes, both the good and bad ones.

So now I'm 32... wow does that SUCK!! I cannot grasp that I'm actually that old or may be I don't want to. But, then again, I can't imagine being that same kid at 25... thinking back at the life I had, the things I did, and all the little details in between, we are two totally different people. Neither one was / is bad by any stretch of the imagination, just different. Different beliefs, different goals, and completely different paths. It's amazing how we are constantly evolving into our present self.And ten years from now I may even look back at my 32 year old self and say Wow as well.

1.) The biggest change I've noticed is that physically I'm not as up-to-speed as I was 5 or 6 years ago. I think it's amazing to think about, and probably a bit scary for me at the same time. There were a series of baby gates in my house in the past, to contain the kids while I'm at work. Before, I would fly over them as I was running late. Now .. it's one leg at a time. I don't know that I've completely adjusted to this, or accepted it. As things have slowed down I found it harder to stay ahead of the game, as far as my physical condition. So now, I've made the call to enroll in a gym, as a means of pushing it one step further in an effort to stay in shape and also to regain some of the agility that I had a few years back. So far I'm doing / feeling much better although I've yet to reattempt the gate hurdle .. :o) My middle sister recently hit the 30 milestone herself and is starting to notice the difference too. It's amazing but it's almost like an internal timer goes off. ... I hate it but what can you do?!

2.) As I've gotten older, I've become more and more bored with things. Which leads to me being more and more restless. Restless living where I live, restless in my spare time, restless in my own skin. Why? I don't know .. maybe because what was fun no longer is, maybe my priorities have changed. I don't know. I've noticed that I'm more prone to becoming obsessed with something, especially if that 'something' is the perfect way to kill time. However, it seems that the internet is not one of those things, and that probably has a lot to do with working in front of a monitor 5 days a week.

3.) My definitions of 'fun' has tremendously evolved ..

• I've long ago given up the bar scene, I remember going one time and thinking to myself how pathetic I must be to keep doing this. It was never fun and I hate the idea of being treated like a sex object. So I stopped going and I can't remember the last time I've willingly gone to a bar.
  
• On that token, at the same time I just decided to not drink anymore. Ok .. it's not that I'm against drinking or anything, but I just don't feel like ever doing it I guess. I guess at this stage in my life I lost sight of that fun that came with drinking.
• I've found fun more with the company of people and not so much with where we're at. I remember as a younger me it was more about where you were that night than anything else. So as long as you were there for new years, the rest of the story didn't matter. Nowadays I have found more fun driving around town, playing pool with friends, going bowling, or sitting in a coffee shop, than anything else. Because it's not fake in the least bit and I'm surrounded by everyone I want to be around, unlike how I perceive most things I've done in the past.

Ok ..I have a sick doggy that needs attending to so I should attempt to stop rambling. That is such a terrible thing for me, and funny enough, I'm not as talkative as I used to be in 'real' life, but I can ramble horribly on any sort of written media. Don't get me wrong, I talk with the best of them, but it's very much dependent on who I'm around, what we're doing, my mood, and so on. More often than not I stay more quiet than in the past .. I don't know why, maybe I got tired of hearing me talk so much!!



My last comment for the night is this ... I have a horrid obsession with my Nintendo DS Lite. Horrid!!!!!! I have a friend out in Seattle and a friend here in town that I play with on WiFi and it's amazing how many hours are wasted playing that .. and how often I'm charging the battery. I need another distraction or something I guess. I was hoping that school would help, but it's not helping in the least bit.

Again ... this goes back to my point above, in that I'm really bored right now and I think that this become my boredom fixer .. then became my obsession, because I'm a perfectionist and I have to have everything perfect on it.

So .. now I need a distraction to get me off of this thing. Well, basketball starts in a few months .. YAY .. but hopefully this won't still be going on as obsessively. But it's bad, and I know it's because I'm just bored and probably half reacting to getting older. I tend to panic around my birthday and I get into funks or something, so maybe this is a glitch that comes with that. Of course I've had the DS since January and while I've played it consistently, I've not gotten as bad as I am now. I think it's because of this darn game .. these Sims - type games just kill me ... and sadly I've pre-ordered MySims for the DS (I'm trying to resist getting the Wii version for right now) and I can't imagine how that's going to affect me trying to pry myself away from this little pink box!!